I am writing this from room 18, eighth floor of North Hospital, where I am starting my clinical trial. It's a brand new cocktail of chemo drugs my body hasn't encountered before, the logic being that the cancer will be taken by surprise and lay down and die. At least long enough to get back on the bone marrow transplant route. I'll be spending Monday through Friday here, and if all is well, sent home for the weekend. Then next Monday I'll be back here for another five days, out on the weekend. From there on out, it'll be clinic visits and such until the transplant process gets up and running. The drugs are in IV and pill form, and because of potential side effects, I'm being monitored pretty closely for the first few days of chemo. Today is my general admission stuff day, followed by some medicines to prevent side effects. I get the poison tomorrow. Goodie gumdrops.
No, seriously though, I really am hoping and praying that this is the right treatment for me right now. Having the bone marrow transplant yanked out from under my feet made me realize that for as much as I was dreading the process and side effects, I really do want to have the transplant. I NEED the transplant. If anything, this latest set back has helped me get over those fears and hesitations I did have about the bone marrow transplant. So over them.
So let's all raise some loud prayers that this treatment gets my stubborn, stupid Zombie Leukemia into remission.
Oh and one more thing, my husband got terminated from his job.
Breaks down like this: He gets a negative review, the first really negative review he's had in the seven years he's worked for this company. A few days later, he's pulled off of his contract, his place of employment since he started with the company. Then today in a nice tidy little meeting he was told he's being let go. Cool, huh? Way to stick it in and break it off, jerkfaces.
And yeah, I can write this because I AM NOT YOUR EFFING EMPLOYEE.
Because folks, although he never mentioned the name of his employer or the names of any of his fellow employees, my husband was terminated because of things about work he wrote on his personal blog. Not his job performance. Not how he worked with other people. Not his attitude. Not his skill level.
His personal blog.
So all you fellow bloggers out there, be vigilant regarding your company's policy on blogging. They may even have a policy you don't know about. Look it up. Seriously.
In fact, while you are at it, watch any and all conversations you have in public with people about your job because in essence that's what a blog is.
(Paragraphs regarding my gut feelings on the matter have been removed from this post by author. )
Let me reiterate that I have already requested if you are my husband's ex-employer you should cease and desist from reading my blog. Because I AM NOT YOUR EMPLOYEE.
We're still getting our arms wrapped around the notion that a company would fire a perfectly capable and hard-working employee for a few grumpy personal blog posts and what that means to us as a family right now. COBRA (no, not the G.I. Joe nemesis) should take care of insurance for a while, but my kid's gotta eat and bills gotta be paid and stuff like that. The Mister's buckling down for his job search, and for the first time in my life I am actually thinking of going on the dole, looking into the possibility of getting disability. 'Cause I sure can't get a job with all this going into the hospital nonsense and such.
So there you go.
My heart is not concerned. I believe that everything will work out in the long run. When you're in the weeds and crap is flying everywhere, it's hard to see the long-term effects a particularly nasty thing will have on your life. But after some time has passed, you see that what seemed a big ole fat mess in the moment was simply a stepping stone to something better. That and I believe in a Divine Plan. My experiences are, if nothing, a chance to learn more and to serve as a means by which I can better rely on God and reveal to others my personal faith.
But damn, can you give a girl a break once and while?