As always, thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. It was a well needed boost for my spirit.
After meeting with the head of the bone marrow team and my oncologist, I've got a little renewed hope. A little.
While its not good news that my leukemia didn't respond to conventional treatments, there are other options. There are chemo drugs that I haven't taken, the thought being that a new chemical will bust up the cancer instead the same old same old which hasn't gotten us very far. The clinical trial is still on the table and holds another promise.
The White Coat Folks are meeting this afternoon to discuss the various options and which one would be the most optimal in my situation. The leukemia needs to be in a remission state before the transplant can begin but beating the hell out of my body before then might not be helpful in the long run and jeopardize the transplant. They'll let me know if I'm going in for chemo on Wednesday or to start the clinical trial on Monday.
Whatever way we go, I'm still terrified that I have this evil, preternaturally strong cancer that isn't going to bow to modern medicine. A week ago, I dreaded the transplant and all that would come with it; now that the only hope I have for longer term recovery has been yanked out from underneath my feet, I'm pissed and want the transplant more than anything.
I'm just pissed. That sums it up.