Wednesday, May 07, 2008

A Bit of Parole and More Pelvic Drilling

Yesterday was bone marrow biopsy number four.  My docs are hoping this biopsy will give them a better picture as to why my white counts are on the slow boat to China, as well as check the status of my marrow in general.  Worst case scenario: They find that the stupid leukemic cells are still hanging about, and I'd be up for chemo round two.

I won't know results until later today or tomorrow.  This uncertainty has been weighing pretty heavily on my heart.  I've prayed a lot about it over the past day, but I'm human and unfortunately worry seems to be part of my genetic code.  Can't seem to shake the stink of doubt and pessimism off of me.

More than anything, the prayers and thoughts of others have buoyed me through some of the darker portions of the past month.  So I am calling in my troops to do what you guys have been doing tremendously well for me and that is all sending up those prayers and healing, positive thoughts and vibes.  

I've been working on my healing imagery, and y'all sent me some pretty good ideas.  I decided to go with the Willy Wonka candy factory pumping out white blood cells on a conveyor belt that slide into a big copper funnel and into my blood stream.  I liked the Krispy Kreme idea, but thinking too much about doughnuts only made me hungry for one.  I'm trying to get better not get fat.

Also yesterday, my wardens let me take a stroll outside the building (with mask on, of course) with my parents and Little A.  It was a perfect day to be outside: sunny, in the seventies, light breeze.  We went to the nearby Healing Garden, a gorgeous explosion of flora and fountains and sculpture in a little walled garden overlooking the hum of I-95.  Little A had a great time dashing about the plants, getting his hand wet in a fountain, and then getting his head stuck in the metal gate (quickly remedied but not without tears).  For the first time in I don't know when, I got to carry him around.  The feel of his little arm around my neck was pure heaven.  We stood and looked out over the highway traffic and called out what kind of vehicles whizzed by.  Little A was particularly excited about a caravan of school buses and a TANKER TRUCK (his emphasis).  Hopefully this afternoon, Adrian and I will be able to take a trip to the Healing Garden for more fresh air and sunshine on my skin.

This is the roller coaster of LeukemiaTown.  Sunshine and biopsies.  

Now I sit and wait, as I have for at least a week now.  Only this time I'm doing a bit of the hand-wringing in anticipation of the news to come.  That dark, negative part of my gut instinct tells me that not only will I be stuck in the Big House for Mother's Day, but in all likelihood, my anniversary as well.

Nuts.

Oh and in other news, for those of you in the RVA area, there is a blood drive in my honor to be held at Dumbarton Elementary School on Thursday, May 15 from 3-7.  More on that to come.

4 comments:

Ev said...

I will be there today! I get off around 11:40 & will be there soon after (prior to bathing suit shopping).
If you've got any cravings call my cell & I'll pick them up for you! Candy...soda...tea...just let me know.

Can't wait to see you and just sit & chill for a bit!

Ranylt said...

I'm not a person known for her patience, but I'm sending you a good size portion of what patience I do have, to help get you through the awful waiting.

Hope the news is good!

Boo said...

Prayers, love, meditation and Willy Wonka imagery coming from Boo corner, the hubs, and the pups!!!

And my whole office joined me in a moment of healing energy and well-being.

We live on top of a bed of crystals, so clearly that will work!!! :)

Love to you Manda. Stay strong girl. We are with you.

tinksgirl said...

A friend from pajiba sending you prayers and happy thoughts. Worrying is also part of my genetic make up, it's one of the things I excel at, yeah for me. If you want I can be your long distance worry rock, send all the negative thoughts to me and then put them away. You seem like such a strong person, try to keep your chin up, you have touched so many lives, like this one. If you would like to talk my email is sarahsimpson19@hotmail.com. I've been through something similar to this before, one of my best friends battled breast cancer-which became lung, bone and brain cancer for 4 years and I know that sometimes she was helped by being able to just dump her problems on someone. Thinking of you and sending prayer your way.

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