I won't know results until later today or tomorrow. This uncertainty has been weighing pretty heavily on my heart. I've prayed a lot about it over the past day, but I'm human and unfortunately worry seems to be part of my genetic code. Can't seem to shake the stink of doubt and pessimism off of me.
More than anything, the prayers and thoughts of others have buoyed me through some of the darker portions of the past month. So I am calling in my troops to do what you guys have been doing tremendously well for me and that is all sending up those prayers and healing, positive thoughts and vibes.
I've been working on my healing imagery, and y'all sent me some pretty good ideas. I decided to go with the Willy Wonka candy factory pumping out white blood cells on a conveyor belt that slide into a big copper funnel and into my blood stream. I liked the Krispy Kreme idea, but thinking too much about doughnuts only made me hungry for one. I'm trying to get better not get fat.
Also yesterday, my wardens let me take a stroll outside the building (with mask on, of course) with my parents and Little A. It was a perfect day to be outside: sunny, in the seventies, light breeze. We went to the nearby Healing Garden, a gorgeous explosion of flora and fountains and sculpture in a little walled garden overlooking the hum of I-95. Little A had a great time dashing about the plants, getting his hand wet in a fountain, and then getting his head stuck in the metal gate (quickly remedied but not without tears). For the first time in I don't know when, I got to carry him around. The feel of his little arm around my neck was pure heaven. We stood and looked out over the highway traffic and called out what kind of vehicles whizzed by. Little A was particularly excited about a caravan of school buses and a TANKER TRUCK (his emphasis). Hopefully this afternoon, Adrian and I will be able to take a trip to the Healing Garden for more fresh air and sunshine on my skin.
This is the roller coaster of LeukemiaTown. Sunshine and biopsies.
Now I sit and wait, as I have for at least a week now. Only this time I'm doing a bit of the hand-wringing in anticipation of the news to come. That dark, negative part of my gut instinct tells me that not only will I be stuck in the Big House for Mother's Day, but in all likelihood, my anniversary as well.
Oh and in other news, for those of you in the RVA area, there is a blood drive in my honor to be held at Dumbarton Elementary School on Thursday, May 15 from 3-7. More on that to come.