Friday, February 25, 2005

Baby, it's cold outside.

Dear Mother Nature,

Maps and geographers refer to Virginia as "Mid-Atlantic"; newscasters use the generic terms "East Coast" or "Eastern Seaboard" and then lump in the Old Dominion with all the states that border the Atlantic Ocean.

We, the residents of this great Commonwealth, prefer to refer to our region as "The South" and ourselves as "Southerners". We take great pride in our cultural, if not geographic, affinity to the once and future area of these United States known as "Dixie".

While we may not have the constant sultry climes of Mississippi, Florida, or Louisiana, we do enjoy those hazy, hot, and humid months between June and late September. We are not the weather-hardened citizens of New England or the Midwestern states.

I beseech you, on behalf of my fellow Virginians, no more snow please. Richmonders in particular don't handle driving in any conditions where moisture falls from the sky. When said moisture is of a white and fluffy consistency, they become particularly erratic and unsafe behind the wheel. The accumulation can be a much as a foot or as little as an inch; the city responds with the same level of panic.

May I also request an end to those temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit until October? My daffodils have now all pitifully wilted. I'd also like to be able to wear my new spring dress for Easter, and well, it's strapless.

Your Humble Servant,


1 comment:

ahamos said...

Mother Nature is clearly not moved. I'm going to try shaking my fists at the heavens and shouting obscenities.

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